Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I party with great urgency now.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
