it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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