I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
