yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize