peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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