Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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