hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
