It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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