6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
