I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize