youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
