I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
