You're my little dorito
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
