Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
