alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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