I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
COCAINE IS GR8
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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