Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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