AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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