do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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