I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Farmville is her only friend.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
