How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
