yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize