last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
