I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
