I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
