Just fell off a train. Bad.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
