Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
