So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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