quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There r osticjed everywhere
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
