Sacagawea was the original milf.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
