There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize