Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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