I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize