and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
