I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
