Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
