im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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