I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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