i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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