"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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