the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
