he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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