The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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