I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
