Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm at about main and main street
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
