i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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