Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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