Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
