Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
