Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
