2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it because I queefed?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
