No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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