finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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