but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
