fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
