I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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