Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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