Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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