i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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