the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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