Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
