Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
