Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
