So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
