before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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