i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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