god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
