Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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