I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
