after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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