i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
